From what I've heard, it’s going to get worse, possibly a lot worse.
I’m talking about gas prices. Remember the good old days when it was just $3 a gallon?
The other day the evil number rose above $3.33 per gallon (half of $6.66, by the way), and I've heard that, even with the
devalued American dollar, the Canadian Geese are carpooling south for the winter.
Now the government and the trustworthy oil companies tell us there are several things that a driver can do in order to
stretch the money spent on fuel in order to get to a job where a person has to work his or her butt off long enough to make
enough money to put more fuel in the car in order to get home. These tips include things like keeping your tires aired up,
keeping your air filter clean, using gentle acceleration, and driving slower.
Yessiree, if you do all of these things, you will increase your gas mileage by as much as…a little bit. Over the course of a
year of these conservation tactics, you might save enough money to pay for all the extra air filters, the 25-cent-per-charge
air pumps, and the dents in your bumper because people are getting ticked off at you for taking forever to speed up.
The AAA suggests you lighten the load you carry in your car. I thought about that suggestion the other day as I drove the
family around town with the windows rolled up, delivering a full trunk of groceries. As the two boys argued behind us,
Mrs. Chef was making comments about what I should do in order to keep the children from engaging in the unending
territorial battle over the backseat. I thought, how can I lighten this load by about 250 annoying pounds?
Hmmmm.
But if that little fantasy never reaches full realization, I have many other schemes to make sure the rising gas prices don’t
hurt so much, but most of those begin with Mrs. Chef purchasing a winning lottery ticket.
So in the mean time, I’ve thought of a few ways to move your car without burning your own gas.
1. Park illegally and have the city tow your car.
2. Wedge the front of your car beneath the back bumper of a Hummer. It might pull the Hummer’s mileage down to
4 mpg, but they probably won’t notice a 2-mpg drop.
3. Bury your car in a snow bank and fool the plow driver into pushing you down the road.
4. Plan a Tough Guy contest and make them pull your car into town as part of the competition.
5. Pretend to be drunk, and ask the police to drive you home. (Convincing the police to make a stop at the grocery
store may be more difficult).
6. Instead of registering at Macy’s, newlyweds should register at Exxon, Mobil, and Shell.
7. Pretend to run out of gas near a hitchhiker and tell him you will give him a ride if he’ll push the car to the next gas
station.
8. Get a new truck to test-drive, then use it to tow your car towards work. When the truck runs out of gas, call the
dealer and tell him no thanks, you want something a little more reliable.
9 Start a carpool, hide your own car in the woods and tell your carpool buddies some jerk stole it.
10 Live in your car. The upside is that having no rent means you can buy your gas. The downside is that you come to
work each morning with the imprint of the steering wheel in your forehead.
11 Run a hotdog stand out of your trunk and sell hotdogs between your home and work. Since you’re running a
business, you can write off the gas as a business expense, and you can apply for small business grants. The equipment for
the cart could also act as a kitchen, should you choose the previous suggestion.
12 Take all the curves in the road deep on the inside, saving half of the mileage between work and home, at least.
13 Have the kids push the car in order to build character, and distract them from the incessant “He’s on my side”
argument.
14 Stand by the road, stick out your thumb, and have your wife pretend she is in labor.
Okay, so maybe there isn't that much we can do to save on gas. Yet if you find you are getting from place-to-place on
your own power, then fuel up on this next dish.
1/2 pound hot Italian sausage
1/2 pound sweet Italian sausage
1 clove garlic, minced
4 teaspoons of powdered beef bouillon
4 cups water
1 (14.5 ounce) can Italian-style stewed tomatoes
1 cup of sliced carrots
1 (14.5 ounce) can great Northern beans, undrained
2 small zucchini, cubed
2 cups fresh spinach, rinsed, torn, and packed
1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
WHAT YOU DO:
1. In a stew pot or Dutch oven, crumble the sausage and brown it with the garlic.
2. Add the powdered bouillon, water, tomatoes and carrots.
3. Bring the soup to a boil, then reduce the heat to low, cover the pot, and simmer that puppy for 15 minutes.
4. Stir in the beans, along with the liquid and the cubed zucchini.
5. Cover it again, and let it simmer another 15 minutes.
6. Turn the heat off and then stir in the spinach.
7. Put the lid back on for five minutes so that the heat of the soup will cook the spinach.
Copyright 2007
www.MachoChef.com
Macho Chef is a registered trademark
I’m talking about gas prices. Remember the good old days when it was just $3 a gallon?
The other day the evil number rose above $3.33 per gallon (half of $6.66, by the way), and I've heard that, even with the
devalued American dollar, the Canadian Geese are carpooling south for the winter.
Now the government and the trustworthy oil companies tell us there are several things that a driver can do in order to
stretch the money spent on fuel in order to get to a job where a person has to work his or her butt off long enough to make
enough money to put more fuel in the car in order to get home. These tips include things like keeping your tires aired up,
keeping your air filter clean, using gentle acceleration, and driving slower.
Yessiree, if you do all of these things, you will increase your gas mileage by as much as…a little bit. Over the course of a
year of these conservation tactics, you might save enough money to pay for all the extra air filters, the 25-cent-per-charge
air pumps, and the dents in your bumper because people are getting ticked off at you for taking forever to speed up.
The AAA suggests you lighten the load you carry in your car. I thought about that suggestion the other day as I drove the
family around town with the windows rolled up, delivering a full trunk of groceries. As the two boys argued behind us,
Mrs. Chef was making comments about what I should do in order to keep the children from engaging in the unending
territorial battle over the backseat. I thought, how can I lighten this load by about 250 annoying pounds?
Hmmmm.
But if that little fantasy never reaches full realization, I have many other schemes to make sure the rising gas prices don’t
hurt so much, but most of those begin with Mrs. Chef purchasing a winning lottery ticket.
So in the mean time, I’ve thought of a few ways to move your car without burning your own gas.
1. Park illegally and have the city tow your car.
2. Wedge the front of your car beneath the back bumper of a Hummer. It might pull the Hummer’s mileage down to
4 mpg, but they probably won’t notice a 2-mpg drop.
3. Bury your car in a snow bank and fool the plow driver into pushing you down the road.
4. Plan a Tough Guy contest and make them pull your car into town as part of the competition.
5. Pretend to be drunk, and ask the police to drive you home. (Convincing the police to make a stop at the grocery
store may be more difficult).
6. Instead of registering at Macy’s, newlyweds should register at Exxon, Mobil, and Shell.
7. Pretend to run out of gas near a hitchhiker and tell him you will give him a ride if he’ll push the car to the next gas
station.
8. Get a new truck to test-drive, then use it to tow your car towards work. When the truck runs out of gas, call the
dealer and tell him no thanks, you want something a little more reliable.
9 Start a carpool, hide your own car in the woods and tell your carpool buddies some jerk stole it.
10 Live in your car. The upside is that having no rent means you can buy your gas. The downside is that you come to
work each morning with the imprint of the steering wheel in your forehead.
11 Run a hotdog stand out of your trunk and sell hotdogs between your home and work. Since you’re running a
business, you can write off the gas as a business expense, and you can apply for small business grants. The equipment for
the cart could also act as a kitchen, should you choose the previous suggestion.
12 Take all the curves in the road deep on the inside, saving half of the mileage between work and home, at least.
13 Have the kids push the car in order to build character, and distract them from the incessant “He’s on my side”
argument.
14 Stand by the road, stick out your thumb, and have your wife pretend she is in labor.
Okay, so maybe there isn't that much we can do to save on gas. Yet if you find you are getting from place-to-place on
your own power, then fuel up on this next dish.
- Fuel Soup
1/2 pound hot Italian sausage
1/2 pound sweet Italian sausage
1 clove garlic, minced
4 teaspoons of powdered beef bouillon
4 cups water
1 (14.5 ounce) can Italian-style stewed tomatoes
1 cup of sliced carrots
1 (14.5 ounce) can great Northern beans, undrained
2 small zucchini, cubed
2 cups fresh spinach, rinsed, torn, and packed
1/4 teaspoon ground red pepper
WHAT YOU DO:
1. In a stew pot or Dutch oven, crumble the sausage and brown it with the garlic.
2. Add the powdered bouillon, water, tomatoes and carrots.
3. Bring the soup to a boil, then reduce the heat to low, cover the pot, and simmer that puppy for 15 minutes.
4. Stir in the beans, along with the liquid and the cubed zucchini.
5. Cover it again, and let it simmer another 15 minutes.
6. Turn the heat off and then stir in the spinach.
7. Put the lid back on for five minutes so that the heat of the soup will cook the spinach.
Copyright 2007
www.MachoChef.com
Macho Chef is a registered trademark
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